The House of Mourning

"A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says, "She is gone." Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all; she is just as large as when I saw her. The diminished size, and total loss of sight is in me, not in her, and just at the moment when someone at my side says, "She is gone," there are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout, "There she comes!" and that is dying."

- Bishop Brent



"It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, because that is the end of every man, and the living takes it to heart." - Ecclesiastes 7:2 

I am wont to tease and gripe in a coffee creamer sort of way about the fact that nobody dies in the movies anymore- coffee creamer, because I'm half-and-half; part of me is just having fun teasing friends who like the happy endings, but part of me truly does believe that we as a culture are missing something.  I think what we're missing is the opportunity to visit the house of mourning.

In today's culture, we are invited to hop on a bubble-wrapped train that promises to protect us from the thorns of reality.  Yet I fear that when we are insulated from the thorns we are also blinded to the roses.

Obey God, Work Hard, Have Fun

Over the past few days I've been reading the book of Ecclesiastes.  I think it's my favorite book of The Bible (if one can have such a thing).  It seems that the message of the Preacher is something like this:

Life is short.
God is good.
Obey God.
Work hard.
Go have fun.

Don't spend too much time philosophizing; don't confine yourself within the walls of a library and re-live others' lives when you could be out there getting sweaty and bloody and dirty and building and being built and teaching and being taught and touching and being touched and loving and being loved; go do real things and enjoy the doing, and do it all from the sweet security of faith in a Perfect Providence and obedience to His perfect Law.

Yet this whole discussion is predicated on the recurring exclamation- vanity of vanities!  The rising and setting of the sun of our lives adds no weight to the rising and setting of the sun that lit them; no extra tear falls from the writhing clouds to join the rivulets cried by those left behind.  Life marches on; the universe keeps spinning; babies are born and old men die and the auroras still paint the sky; snow falls and melts into the flowers of spring which fade into the colors of autumn and then the snow falls again; falling stars keep falling yet the void never feels their loss; the ants never cease to march, the waterfalls continue their endless cascade, and we feed the worms with our flesh and return to the dust from which we were sculpted.

Death and Taxes

A worldview that is cut off from Christ is a worldview that is cut off from hope.  (1 Cor. 15:32)

For the unbeliever, death only has sting.  The godless may still present and desire the beauty of a noble death, because the Character of God that is woven into the universe- and their hearts- tells them that it's a beautiful thing, and in their hearts, they know and feel that a selfless death is the highest form of love. (Rom. 1, John 15:13)

But that is small consolation for someone who also sees death as the last page in their story.  An epitaph celebrating their goodness matters little if they are no longer alive to read it.

For the Christian, it is another matter entirely.  Death is the key that removes the chains of flesh and sin and frees us to run into the presence of our Savior. (Philippians 1:23)

For the Christian, a good death is not just a tragically noble, vapid conclusion to a meaningless saga.

Without Christ, bittersweet goodbyes end on the bitter. In Christ, they end on the sweet.

So when a Christian deals with death in his art, it should not be in a fatalistic, existentialistic, hopeless, empty way; we can't act like death is a dreaded inevitability, like taxes; we can't treat death as something to be avoided at all costs, like doing the dishes.

On the other hand, we may not handle death flippantly; life is precious, and therefore death is also precious. (Psalm 116:15)

But why not just ignore death altogether?  Why not live as if there is no last page, no double-bar line, no end credits?

Because the thorn is part of the rose.  The period is part of the sentence.  And if we spend our sentence denying the period, we miss the opportunity to enjoy the beauty of the period- and to make the most of our sentence.

We can watch the grand finale in awe and giggle and chorus "ooh!" and "aah!" and point and whisper and let the falling embers reflect brightly in our eyes and the eyes of the children on our lap, who are only just learning not to be afraid of the distant rumble- or we can see in the grand finale only the finale, and spend those last thrilling moments wishing it weren't over; wishing that we could have the grand without the finale, when God has build a world in which they dance inseparably.

I think weddings and funerals are two of the most beautiful, inspiring events ever.  They paint exclamation points- one white and one black, but both clear and beautiful in their own way- on the brevity of life.  It all goes so fast.

The living takes it to heart.

"Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last." 
- C.T. Studd

And when we live with this perspective, so many things that would cloud our vision begin to melt away, and suddenly sunsets are brighter and little babies are more adorable and hummingbirds are more amazing and history is more exciting and current events make us want to cheer instead of tremble.  God is telling His story, and it's a beautiful one, and if we could just get lost in it for a while we would come back changed.

Of course, I'd prefer to stay lost in it.  To sit up the whole night of my life, unable to put the book down. 

When we're in God's story, things get so much simpler. 

Obey God.
Work hard.
Have fun.

There's joy there.  There's meaning there.  When we are walking in God's world, when we are a note on His score, then there is a reason for life- and for death; then we need not fear, but only obey; our duty becomes deliciously simple: do what God wants us to do, and then watch what happens.  So our life becomes the most productive it could be, for it is poured out onto the track that God sets before us and says "run," and it also becomes the most beautiful and joyous and peaceful, because now we have a reason to rejoice in the sweat and the sunshine and the tired legs and the cool breeze and the pain and the joy that follows when we do so.  And when we see the finish line ahead, we might just run a little harder.

“Cowards live for the sake of living, but for heroes, life is a weapon."
- N.D. Wilson

Nobody Dies These Days

Have you noticed that, as a general rule in American movies, nobody ever dies?  We'll bring computer-generated skyscrapers tumbling down on a city full of people, our hero will produce widespread mayhem as he leads the police on a merry chase through the city streets, and so on, but nobody important ever actually dies- or, if it's a Marvel movie, they die and come back to life.

So... what's wrong with that?

God as the Master Storyteller wrote a story that has sweet fragrance and tender velvet petals- and thorns.  Lots of thorns.

One day, God will wipe every tear from our eyes.  One day, the story will be brought to glorious fulfillment, the good guys will win, death will die, and there will be forever a sunrise.

But here, now, God has given us sunsets.

And the man who learns to see the beauty in the sunset, because he loves the One who painted it- who learns to admire the ruggedness and the sharpness of the thorns, because he trusts the One who sharpened them- who embraces all of the life he's been given, and thanks the Giver, and drinks it to its dregs- who runs until he can run no more, and cries until he has no tears left, and then laughs, until he collects more tears so he can cry again, and then cries them out so he can laugh again- how would that man live?  How would he die?  What would be the look on his face in the moments before he crosses the finish line?

It is said that every runner has two great fears- that he will not finish the race, and that he will finish the race knowing that he could have done more.

I pray that God will give me the strength, the vision, the drive to run this race of life so exuberantly, so passionately for His Kingdom, drunk on His goodness, lost in the thrill of His novel, the story of His symphony, that I will come to the end of it all and be breathless on my deathbed, not from weakness, but from excitement, not for want of air, but for fulness of days, and that my eyes will still shine like those of a little boy going on an adventure, and my children will see in me a man who, even as he says "goodbye," says also "turn the page!"

A Life in Pictures

Went to a funeral today.  Scripture says that it is good to go to the house of mourning; how much better when the house of mourning is also one of rejoicing and the tears and pain of loss and separation are endured in the context of the happy taunt, "O death, where is thy sting?"

Funerals and weddings are, I think, two of the most inspiring events to attend, largely because they so often feature a survey of the life of the person or persons they are focused on.

Seeing a life and legacy distilled into a ten-minute slideshow reveals so much about who that person is or was.  Hearing family testify to his influence; observing multiple generations of people assembling together to honor him, none of whom would be alive today if it hadn't been for his life; seeing the fingerprints of his legacy in the tears and the smiles of those who loved him, and whom he loved- it gives one cause to consider exactly what legacy he is leaving; how well he is investing the time which will so soon be gone; what things will really matter when the symphony of his own life is arranged into a ten-minute epilogue.

What pictures will sum up my life once it is over?

Will they be pictures of me being all awesome and amazing and alone?  Advancing the kingdom of me?  Seizing all the wrong opportunities and missing the right ones?

Or will they be pictures of me enjoying the dirt and sweat and sticky honey of real life, wondering like a child- and preferably with a child- at sunsets and at the One who paints them, smiling and loving and laughing and delighting in little things and little people (and big people) and epic plot twists in the story of a life too short not to relish the bitter moments as well as the sweet?

Marshmallow Boy

How many young men out there have big dreams for the Kingdom of God?

How many of those young men are actually doing big things for the Kingdom of God?

I myself have wrestled with this; I've talked to brothers in Christ about it; the recent Southwest Family Vision Conference put an exclamation point on it.  

"In all labor, there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty."  That's how Solomon put it.  Mike Wazowski took a more in-your-face approach- "Less talk, more pain, marshmallow boy!"

Guys, we're getting old quick.  If you're like me, you probably have big goals and dreams.  I want to marry young, have a boatload (read: army) of kids, be an elder in my church, a successful entrepreneur and businessman, maybe write a few books...

Those dreams are great.  Taking those dreams out of the metaphysical realm and applying them to our daily decisions, however, is not an easy task. 

We’ve all heard of the “starving artists”; people who, ostensibly for the noble love of their craft, are still flipping burgers at 30 years of age, eking out a living so they can chase their dream.  And our culture tells us that this is a noble thing.

I don’t think Scripture agrees with our culture, though.

As young men, we all have a huge calling as members of the Body of Christ.  We can’t be spinning our wheels; we can’t be wasting God's time (Eph. 5:16).  We’re in the middle of a war, and we’re at a cataclysmic point in that war.  This is not a time for apathetic, lackadaisical manhood.

We can't be playing video games and watching movies.  Rome is burning, and we, the young men, who should be using our youthful vigor to build the Church of Christ and tear down the gates of hell, are fiddling around on our Xbox.

Now is the time to be seeking God, building foundations for our families-to-be, working, working, and working.  Now is the time to be getting married.  Now is the time to draw swords and leap into the colosseum of Reality.  Now is the time to be doing manly things.  Not tomorrow.  Not next week or next year.  We don't have time to waste.  We must assume the responsibilities of manhood.  We are the next wave, and we are sorely needed on the forefront.

We need to be focused leaders-in-training, loving our local churches, praying, studying, honoring our parents, investing in our families, making the most of our single years (and trying to bring them to a rapid conclusion!), paying our own bills, starting the next generation of Christian households, cutting out the good to invest in the best.

Or, as Kipling put it, filling every unforgiving minute with sixty seconds of distance run.

So guys- men- what are you doing?  Are your works and your words matching each other?  Are you a man, or an adolescent?  Has God called you to marriage?  Then what are you waiting for?  Does something prevent you?  Then what are you doing to eliminate that barrier?  Are you paying your own bills?  Driving your own car?  Are you contributing to your local church?  Are you making disciples and being discipled?

Are you working, or wishing?

Please pray for me on this.  I need it.  I want to be a faithful warrior- not one who spent so much time sharpening his sword that he never actually joined the fight.

All it takes is a little sleep, a little slumber, a little free time, a little dreaming, and enough busy work to make us feel like we're actually accomplishing something, and ten years of marriage and five kids have been lost in the great black hole of "could have been."

---------------

Many a man claims to manhood,

Many a runner to run,

Many a runner to finish the race,

Which yet he has hardly begun.

Many a man is convinced

That what he's done is good enough,

Many a man has calmly called quits

Just because the going got rough.

Many a man has spent many a year

Dreaming his life's thrilling plot,

And come to the end and realized

He'd already done it- or not.

Yet there are a few who have chosen,

By the Grace which God chose to outpour,

To turn the few talents they're given,

To run 'til they can run no more,

To forsake the good for the better,

And the better for that which is best;

Spend six full days upon labor,

And the seventh on diligent rest;

Rather to work for slight profit,

Than talk of great things and have none;

Spend their time waking than dreaming;

Embracing the sweat and the sun;

To live out their life to its fullest,

And breathless, arrive at the end,

Knowing they've done, and not talked about doing,

Chose to climb, even slow, ne'er descend.

Few men can say this, for most, in their prime,

Succumbed to the comforting whisper of time,

Which says that tomorrow will gladly fulfill

Whatever today is too difficult still.

But that far-seeing man who prays for the grace,

To redeem the time he may run,

That is the man at whom history quakes,

That is the man who has won.

Lessons, Providences, and Tomorrow

I guess I blinked.

I'm almost 20 now.

I have 6 little siblings... becoming progressively less little.

When the clock strikes 12 tonight, another year will have melted from the life ahead of me into the life behind me, trickling at the rate of 24 hours a day through an hourglass that will never be turned upside-down.

It wasn't long ago that I wrote about the runner's two greatest fears, as we began the race of 2013.

Tonight, we will all cross the finish line of that race, and the starting line of a new one.

We have the opportunity to, at once, remember, through the bittersweet lens of hindsight, the great and remarkable providences of God in our lives, and to set forth with the wide-eyed excitement of a faithful child on a new adventure.

Scripture repeatedly exhorts us to pass on landmarks to our children; to remember the great providences of God to the next generation (Deuteronomy 6).  Here, I'm going to chronicle a few of the signal providences God worked in my life throughout 2013.

-----------------

This year I began participating in obstacle races, building great memories with friends and my Dad along the way.  God also used one of my obstacle racing experiences to teach me about marriage.

-----------------

This year I had two life-threatening experiences.  God's mercies were made abundantly evident in each case; the lessons to be learned were equally evident.  You can read about the first one here.  The second happened just last week; returning from helping a family remove sheet metal from an old building, I was driving a friend's car at a speed that was unwise on the dirt road we were traveling.  Three overcorrections, two seconds, one turn-too-late, and in little more than the time it took me to wonder "is this really happening?", the car was on its side spanning the ditch on the side of the road.

I never considered myself the immature, foolish teenage guy that is the paragon of youthful short-sightedness.

I guess that was the problem.

There are a few lessons to be taken from this experience for me which I hope to communicate to all my readers- especially other young men like myself.  The first, and most obvious, is- always wear your seat-belt.  This may sound trite; let me tell a bit about my experience and you might see just how important that decision was in my case.

I wear glasses, as a general rule, when I'm driving; so I was during the crash.  The windows of the car were open.  About fifteen minutes after the accident, the young man who was riding with me set my glasses case in the trunk as he was cleaning up the mess inside the car, and I realized- my glasses were no longer on my face.  We found them sitting on a rock near the crash site; I can only conclude that they flew off of my face and out of the window in the incident.  That gives a good gauge by which to judge just the kind of condition I would have been in if I had not been wearing my seat-belt.

A wreck like that could easily have had severe consequences; it is by the mercy of God that I'm typing this while sitting in an office chair and not a wheelchair.  In God's providential kindness, my friend and I both walked away from the scene.

The bigger lesson from this ordeal, however, is the need for young men like myself to heed instruction; to gain "grandpa wisdom at daddy age," as my father says.

We had already fishtailed; I had already lost control on a different turn and bumped off of the dirt bank on the side.  A wiser man would have said "if there were a ditch rather than a bank, the consequences would have been much more severe; we should slow down."  I was not that wiser man.

I have been warned repeatedly about the dangers that come with young men who fail to ask themselves "what could happen if..?"  Yet when push came to shove I was one of those young men, and I only recognized it in myself after the fact.  Oh, God, I pray- let me learn my lesson now!  Let me remember this and not put You to the test again!

Perhaps the greatest irony of the event was that my friend and I had been meditating on Proverbs during the drive to the location in the morning, and again on the trip home that resulted in this crash.  We were mulling over the very Scriptures that we were violating in our unwise roadway behavior.

God is merciful.  I am grateful.

Please.  Please.  Learn from me.  Don't learn like me.

Oh, and the glasses?

Not a scratch.

-----------------

We got to host the Jost family on their tour this year; made a movie together with them; had some good ol' manly fun together with the guys.

-----------------

Attended the inaugural Arizona Patriot Academy.

-----------------

I made an adjustment to my brand, going from clean-shaven to a light beard.

-----------------

Attended the final San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival (final for now, at least) with my dad and my sister; that was an incredible experience.  So many friends; so many Providences; so many stories.

While there, got to meet with a lot of great musical friends from the Rhapsodize Music Network.

-----------------

Speaking of the Rhapsodize Music Network... get yours on iTunes, AmazonMp3, Spotify, and elsewhere!  Let me know if you want a physical CD.

-----------------

Went on my first mission trip to a hospital in Mexico, helping to get it fully-functional.

-----------------

Last week, Dad preached a great sermon on time stewardship.  Got me fired up to set goals for 2014.  

"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." - Eph. 5:15-17

Thusly, I have set goals for 2014; praying for the grace of God to grant me a warrior's mentality to accomplish them.  I'm not going to list them all, but I'll list a few, and you're welcome to check in on my progress, as well as share your goals in the comments.

- Read "The Institutes of Biblical Law" by R.J. Rushdoony

- Learn Spanish to the level where I can converse, read, and write fluently

- Learn First-Aid

- 25 pull-ups 

- 50 push-ups

- 5 muscle-ups

- Cold showers 3x/week

- Go to bed at 9:30 and wake up at 5:30, and start preparing for bed at 9, M-F

- Don't go to social media sites (Twitter, Facebook, etc.) unless I have content to post

May 2014 feature the sounds of cheering and laughter and the gates of hell groaning and cracking and crumbling to dust.  May the giggling voices of a thousand babies be born into Kingdom households; may the tearful joy of a thousand souls reborn join the chorus.  May the Word of Christ pervade our land as the waters cover the sea.  May we be faithful to turn every breath we are given into a song or a step for the glory of our King.

The Warrior and the Slave

The dense mesh of fog and shadows was melting slowly away. Only a few minutes now.

The captain breathed deeply; methodically checked himself- sword, dagger, shield, saddle well in place, helmet snug, armor solid- he was ready. The signature of a smile flew across his face as his horse snorted noisily and pawed the ground with his front hooves, first one and then the other.

Now he looked up. His steely eyes shone like glass through the mud and smoke and blood that was stained into his face, and peered from beneath a permanently furrowed brow down the line of men stretched out behind him on his left and on his right. He caught the eye of another soldier- about his age, about his size. Could have been from the same town; certainly the same province.

The other man looks away quickly, unwilling to face the full reality of what is about to happen, and even more unwilling to face a man who has embraced that reality.

Suddenly, a whisper shimmers up the line of soldiers. A reward has been promised. When this city falls, every man among them will receive extra rations, double wages, and a share of the spoil. The whisper races down the line of men and fades into the distance.

Suddenly, the sun breaks through the clouds, the fading fog vanishes entirely, and the object of years of struggle is revealed. The walls of the city stand cold, naked, forbidding. Atop the towers and behind the fortifications bristle the helmets and spear-tips of a thousand foemen.

Everything is silent. Even the wind stills. The world is waiting.

It is time.

-----------------------------------------

"A reward has been promised."

For which of our two soldiers did this news change anything?  Homer Rice said that "You can motivate by fear. And you can motivate by reward. But both of these methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is self-motivation."

Of course, Homer Rice isn't our source of wisdom.  Proverb 29:19 says that "A slave will not be instructed by words alone; for though he understands, there will be no response."

The slave does what he does because he is afraid of what his master will do to him if he doesn't do it.

The slave does what he does because he hopes maybe if he does it his master will reward him.

His tasks are a means to the end of his pleasure.  His work is the way by which he acquires the right to play.

He does his household chores because if he does them well enough, maybe dad will let him watch a movie tonight.  He finishes his math book because he knows, once he has done that, he gets to pick the restaurant that the family goes to for dinner that night.  He reads his Bible because he's afraid if he doesn't then the people at church won't be impressed.  He doesn't beat up on his siblings because he knows that would  make dad angry.

And in the press of battle, when the arrows are raining down, and shouts and screams and clamor and chaos are overwhelming his senses, and friends and foes swirl around him like so many grains of sand in an angry sea, his one thought is "if only I can survive this, then I shall have my reward."

And then there's the warrior.  His work is its own reward.  He does what he does because he is who he is.  He fights because he believes in what he is fighting for.  And while he certainly doesn't begrudge extra rations or higher wages, those things will not change how hard he fights.

In the press of battle, his thoughts are set not on survival, but on victory.  Even when the dead are falling all around him, there is nowhere he would rather be.

He's not a slave to his own smallness- he's a slave to a greater vision.

For Maximus, it was the glory of Rome.
For William Wallace, it was the freedom of Scotland.
And for us, it should be the expansion of The Kingdom of Christ- the only Greater Vision which is truly worth dying for.

Oh that that vision would permeate our lives.  For we are slaves to Christ, and ambassadors for Him.  He does promise rewards richly- and there are terrible consequences for those who forsake Him.

Praise God!  Let us look forward to those rewards, and labor hard towards them.

But let us also love the labor.  Let it be said of us that we were not simply "making it" through life, but that we conquered life boldly and subjected it to the Lordship of Christ.

Every task that God gives us is part of the race of life- something which can be conquered or simply survived.  From changing diapers to washing dishes to writing music to building bridges to fighting battles- whatever we are called to do on any given day, that is our battle.  Will we survive it?  Or will we embrace it?

Time

"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." - Eph. 5:15-17

It's a new year.

Already.

That happened so fast.

It always does, I guess.

Truth is, "the grass withers, the flower fades, when the breath of the LORD blows upon it; surely the people are grass."  70 years go by and the baby shower and the bridal shower and the funeral become pictures in an album in a dusty attic.  Remaining is the question which has haunted so many on their deathbed:

So what?

What was all that about?  What was it for? 

What a waste.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It has been said that every runner has two great fears. The first; he fears finding himself spent before he has reached the finish line; whether by lack of training or by overzealous exertion, he cannot finish the race.  The second; he fears reaching the end of the race successfully, gleefully crossing the finish line, his laborious task complete- and then realizing, in the pit of his stomach-

"I could have done more."

Of course, we are all are runners in a race far more important than one of meters and finish lines.  Every year that ticks past is another mile marker.  But, in this race, we cannot stop.  The race will be run.  The mile markers will continue to fly past- even if we are sitting still.

We cannot stop, but we can fail; we cannot rest, but we can slow to a walk; we cannot give up, but we can give in.

Or.

We can run.  Fighting and clawing and climbing and reaching and sprinting and jumping and panting breathlessly.  We can run in such a way as to win the prize.  We can run a race that will stand the test of time, for though this race is run by every person, it is only conquered by a few.

As children of the King, we have been given a marvelous opportunity.  A breath of life- a window of time, swiftly closing- an epic journey which lasts for the blink of an eye- and the chance to take that momentary blade of grass which is ours and throw it into the great and eternal blaze of The Kingdom of God.

That we, here today and gone tomorrow, should be given the title of ambassadors for The King Who was, Who is, and Who is to come; that we, the dust of the earth, could become bricks in the construction of a celestial Kingdom; that the leprous and sick cesspool of sin and evil which is us should be chosen, redeemed, called, transformed, into the spotless bride of the Son of God- oh, what a marvelous opportunity is ours!

For we are not lost and losing in a race which can only leave us defeated.  We are more than conquerors; the race is ours, and is ours to win, and our victory is not one of hollow applause and trophies which tarnish and medals which collect dust and are forgotten.  We have been given a Kingdom to live for- and to die for.  These moments which we call lifetimes can be invested in eternity.  Our death will come in the blink of an eye, but our legacy can become a part of forever.

If we are faithful.

Will we be faithful?  Will we run with patience the race set before us?  Will we fill every "unforgiving minute with 60 seconds of distance run?"  Will we pant, and scrape, and sweat, and bleed, and weep, and laugh, and run, and come to the end of our race, breathless and amazed and victorious?  Or will we take our glorious birthright and trade it in for a mess of pottage?  Will we walk when we should have run, smile when we should have laughed, turn our eyes when we should have wept, be clean when we should have been soaked in mud and sweat and blood?

When our race is over, will we cross the finish line knowing that we could have done more?

The Godhood of God

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction."

- Proverb 1:7

How many paradoxes would be solved by a proper understanding of the Godhood of God?  What if, instead of acting as His judge, His peer, His critic, we truly understood our place as His creation?

Paradoxes like His sovereignty, His perfect blend of love and justice which requires both hell and the Cross, the presence of evil in the world, melt away into a vast portrait of infinite Perfection.

The question of whether, once we are saved, we can be un-saved becomes a non-issue when we realize that we didn't save ourselves in the first place.

When we really understand how vast and perfect God is- when we truly fear Him- so many of our questions and doubts will be eliminated.

My Graduation Speech

So I won the AFHE speech contest for the 2012 graduation...

Act Like Men

This is another film project I'm working on. With the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic approaching very quickly, the question arises- what can we learn from what happened on that "Night to Remember"?

What have we gained? What have we lost?

"Women and children first."

This statement directly violates the evolutionary and egalitarian worldviews of today.

Evolution says that we have no inherent value, and that the death of the weak leads to the development of the species. If we are all simply products of evolution, matter-in-motion, and the strong survive and the weak die, then "women and children first" is nonsense. Rather, "strongest first." Women and children last. For the sake of the species, you know.

Egalitarianism denies any distinctions between men and women. Anything men can do women can do better. I have yet to hear, however, a feminist be truly consistent and say that the men on the Titanic were being chauvinists. After all, they apparently viewed women as weaker vessels. Why didn't they just let the women take care of themselves?

If these worldviews are allowed enough time to eat into the marrow of our culture, we will gradually, eventually, see their ramifications played out before our eyes. We're seeing it now.

There have been plenty of people, from Hitler to Leopold and Loeb, who have tried to play out the evolutionary worldview, but they are despised for their consistency. We tell them that the strong survive and the weak die- that there is no God, no Judge, no standard- and then we punish them when they live like we told them to.

Recently, our military has finally been given permission to put women in the front lines of combat. Egalitarianism marches on. Let it march on long enough and maybe I won't have to wait on the women and children before I get my chance to get off the sinking ocean-liner. Maybe I can feel good about myself as I listen to the screams of the women and children who go down with the ship. She didn't want me to hold the door for her- why should I hold the seat on the lifeboat for her? Can't they take care of themselves?

No. I can't feel good about it. No matter how boldly these poisonous worldviews march forward, I am a Christian, and as such I see it as my duty as a man to lay down my life for women and children. Whether it's taking a bullet or not taking a life vest or carrying an overburdened purse, I rejoice in the calling that is mine as a man- to not struggle for supremacy in a chaotic melee of natural selection, but rather to use the strength that God has given me for the benefit of those who are weaker than I.

Why?

Primarily, because that's what Scripture says (John 15:13, Neh. 4:14, Eph. 5:25) and models (Jas. 1:27, Ps. 82:3).

Another reason is encapsulated in this quote from the Mysterious Islands documentary: "Evolution is survival of the fittest. In Christianity, the most fit of all, Jesus Christ, died for the unfit. That's you and me. That's the way God thinks- that's the way the Creator thinks."

There it is. Why would I, being bigger and stronger, give up the place that I could secure by right of force on the lifeboat to a smaller and weaker person?

Because that's what Jesus did for me.

Here's a taste of the score for "Act Like Men." Watch the trailer and keep up with the film's progress on the website.

R.M.S. Titanic - "Act Like Men" by gabrielhudelson

7 Lessons from the 2012 SAICFF

I just got back from the 2012 San Antonio Independent Christian Film Academy and Festival. Here are a few of the most prominent lessons that I learned from the teaching, talking, and traveling that I experienced last week.

The most important of which, I might add, are not directly film-related.

1. Honor my father and cherish my relationship with him. Be accountable to him, as well. "If you think you might need to confess it- you do."
2. Use my time living in my father's household wisely. Invest in my siblings and parents. Use these years in such a way that I won't look back after I'm married and say "I sure wish I would've..."
   
3. The more I study theology, the better I will become as an artist.
4. YouTube appeals to the masses- Vimeo appeals to the artistic community. I need both.
5. Brand = Trust. Make a promise and then keep it.
6. Directors should be directors- not speech instructors. As a general rule, say "I need your character to feel this way"- not "say it like this."
7. I love my family. To pieces. It was heartbreaking to leave San Antonio after such an awesome week of great fellowship and networking. But when I got home I realized- wow. It's good to be back. My family is such a blessing and treasure.
   

This was an amazing week from many angles. It was great for me occupationally and spiritually. It was so good, in fact, that I've already registered for the 2013 academy and festival. God continues to provide, and in this case He used a gift from a family member. (By the way, if The LORD is leading you to attend the next one, now's the time to register. The first 150 registrants get a $200 discount.)

To all the wonderful people that I met this year- stay in touch! Hopefully, I'll see you again, in person, next year.

Until then, I'm grateful for the internet. :-)

Christ Shall Have Dominion / Music: Critical Mass

Dominion. Not only is it an awesome word, but it's a word with a freight-train size load of theological connotations that are- to be simplistic- rather controversial.

And rather awesome.

So let's start at the beginning.

"And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth." (Gen. 1:28, KJV)

Here we see the initial command given to man. Rule the earth. Man tends the earth and brings it into obedience to God.

This is, of course, much harder after the fall- in fact, it can only be accomplished apart from God's Grace.

But that doesn't mean that we should not still strive towards it- and pray for the Grace that it necessitates.

Some will say that we are no longer "under" this initial mandate, since we are now under the New Covenant. To these, my reply is threefold:

1. This is our initial created purpose. It doesn't just go away- it's what we were made to do.
2. Both our Lord Jesus Christ and the apostle Paul refer back to creation order. ("From the beginning, it was not so.") Why do we retain the model for things like one-man-one-woman marriage yet reject the Dominion Mandate?
3. This objection arises from what I believe to be a dangerous misunderstanding of the New Covenant. The New Covenant was the fulfillment of The Law in Christ. The ceremonial and sacrificial laws are done away with in Him. The New Covenant is not a "liberation" from the moral laws of God, nor is it a repudiation- an abolishing- of all the things contained in the Old Testament. This includes the Dominion Mandate.
   

So what does this dominion-taking look like, practically? In a nutshell, it looks like applying all of God's Word to all of life.

Instead of seeing this world as a lost cause, "going to hell in a hand-basket," we should see this world as God's. He owns it. We are His ambassadors come to claim His domain back from those who have usurped Him.

"And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth." (Matt. 28:18)

Scripture paints a picture, not of a monastic separation from the world, nor of an antinomian revelry in sin, but of an aggressive expansion, an in-this-world-but-not-of-it march forward which calls every area of life- politics, art, culture, education, all of it- to submit to Christ.

Which leads to discussing eschatology- what we think about the end-times. The dominion worldview can seem inherently postmillenial. Postmillenialists believe that there will be no tribulation- the church will obey God more and more and His Kingdom gradually will advance and fill the earth. "All the earth will be filled with the glory of the LORD."

But for someone who believes that the earth will get worse and worse until Jesus comes back, it might seem like dominion is a silly and irrelevant idea.

It's not.

Though it does kinda make better sense from a post-mil standpoint.

My point with this post, however, isn't to start a debate on eschatology. I'd rather leave that for another time. My point here is that this world is God's. His Kingdom will reign. Perhaps that reign will be inaugurated by Divine fiat, where the world gets worse and worse and then BAM. Christ returns and brings justice. Perhaps it will indeed be by the faithfulness of the remnant.

Either way, His Kingdom is inevitable.

Either way, it is for us to obey. To live as if all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Christ. Because it has.

Christianity isn't another part of our life. It is our life. It's not the thing we put in the "religion" box on Facebook. It's the foundation, the worldview, the root of everything that we do. It must be so.

And it gets bigger. The dominion-minded believer desires to see things like politics and the arts conquered for Christ. This does NOT mean using physical force to overthrow governments, but it does mean striving for the conformation of the institutions of this world to The Word of God.

Yes, I firmly believe that our national legal system should be built on The moral Law of God. What other option do we have as believers?

The retort may come back, "you're advocating saving the nation through politics!"

Not at all. Nations are lost or won one soul at a time. Politics cannot save. But, as has been said- if Christians are faithful, and God is willing, politics will be saved.

So the dominion-minded believer isn't just "waiting at the bus stop" for Jesus' return. He is actively striving to expand the real-life Kingdom of God on this earth.

"Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven." (Matt. 6:10)

That's what I see Scripture exhorting us to. This earth belongs to Christ. Let's act like it.

I hope that this woefully short epistle attempting to define dominion proves helpful and edifying to some. I might have inspired more questions than I answered, but that might be a good thing. Please ask the questions below, though I can't guarantee that I'll be able to answer them. Oftentimes, my answers aren't even necessary- others will pitch in and answer the questions for me, and sometimes better than I could've. I enjoy learning from you all, so thanks again for the discussions.

Speaking of dominion, here's one of my latest dominion-taking endeavors in the area of music. I think it's fitting to the topic at hand, both in title and in genre. Because God's Kingdom, one way or another, will reach Critical Mass.

Critical Mass by gabrielhudelson

"Christ shall have dominion, over land and sea,
Earth’s remotest regions shall His empire be;
They that wilds inhabit shall their worship bring,
Kings shall render tribute, nations serve our King."

You're Not Going to College?!?

In a culture saturated with the presupposition that a college degree is necessary to adulthood (though it is being desaturated, I think), there are some who step back and reconsider if the piece of paper with the alphabet soup is really all that and a box of crackers. In the circles that I swim in, it's common to see the expectation that girls will stay home instead of going off to college. Online alternatives like CollegePlus! are also very popular among homeschoolers.

I guess I go a step further. More on that in a bit.

I have no intention of going to college, at this point, nor of getting any manner of degree (other than a high-school diploma). Which isn't to say that if I got a scholarship to Julliard or Patrick Henry I would just turn it down.

Why? I'm so glad you asked!

Girls

First, though, I'm going to talk about girls going to college (because I've been asked to clarify my stance). In family-integrated, homeschooling circles it's not rare to see people taking a philosophical stance against girls going to college. I agree with these people- specifically because of the Biblical principle of male headship, I would be very reluctant to give my blessing on my daughter/sister going away to college (unless she went with her brother, maybe..?).

I mean, really- why would I send the precious daughter that God has entrusted me with off to a temple of humanism to learn from educated fools (Ps. 14:1) and fellowship with boys stuck in manly bodies who would love to take advantage of her and girls who like it that way?

Yeah, that's a grim picture which I paint of college. And right you are- not all colleges are like this! Just most of 'em. So now that we've ruled out the majority of colleges...

To any girl going to Patrick Henry college or Bob Jones University or another such respectable establishment (and to her father!), I ask- how are you playing out Numbers 30? How are you as a father protecting your daughter? How are you, as a daughter, being held accountable, protected, loved, instructed, familied?


Maybe you are, that's between you and The LORD. But the principles must be dealt with, one way or t'other.

I certainly have no desire for my daughters (LORD willing, one day) to go to college.

I'm not saying that no girl should ever go to college, but that any girl that does go to college needs to deal with the principles that God gives us to live by. I'm sure there are exceptions. But I'm tired of pursuing exceptions. I'd rather seek what it is that God gives us as a normative pattern, and let Him take care of the exceptions.

Guys

Here, though, I go even further. Not only am I "against" girls going to college- I'm "against" guys going to college.

Hear me out.

Let's look at some Biblical principles:

• Family
• Accountability
• Time Stewardship
• Financial Stewardship

Family

Throughout Scripture God works through families. Whether it's blood relatives or relatives by The Blood, we're called to be in fellowship with one another. Christianity is not a religion of loners. From the very beginning, God instituted the family. It's the assumed normative throughout Scripture. (Ps. 68:6, Heb. 10:25)

It's a good thing.

So why would I want to leave my family and my church family to go somewhere else for so long? Is it really worth it?

Accountability

This is closely tied to family. When I'm living together with my family and my local brothers and sisters in Christ, I don't have the luxury of hiding things. Sure, it's possible, but it's hard. It also puts a block in relationships that I treasure. While it is indeed possible (and, I say, necessary!) to set up accountability in a college (or other such) situation, it's not as organic and unavoidable. (Jas. 5:16, Pr. 27:17)

Add to that all the temptations that come with being alone on a college campus among myriads of peers who, with the exception of the exceptional colleges, are more likely to tempt than to help against the temptations, and you have a recipe for trouble.

"Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall." (1 Cor. 10:12)

It is by God's Grace that we stand at all, even protected in our homes. Let us not presume upon God's Grace and throw ourselves in the path of temptation.

Remember the young man in Pr. 7.

Time Stewardship

I would want to spend 4 years of my life in college why exactly? During those 4 years, I could start a business, or study my craft, or any number of things, while in the context of my own family and church. Indeed, I could start my own family. 4 years is a lot of time. Would it really be a good investment to sink it all into college? (Eph. 5:16)

Financial Stewardship

I know there are cheaper options than just the standard (extraordinarily expensive) college fare. I'm not talking about those right now.

Scripturally, debt is slavery. (Pr. 22:7) I cannot see how I could justify going into years worth of debt for a degree. Furthermore, even if I had all that money and could pay out-of-pocket, would that be good stewardship of God's money?

Please note that I'm putting these out not as a list of rules, but as a list of principles. These are my thoughts (which are, to varying degrees, undergirded with Scripture, but my interpretations aren't infallible). I'm not trying to start a fight- these are some of the reasons behind what I believe about college, and I hope some of you find them edifying.

Why?

I can see Biblical allowance for college much better if it is a local college or, especially, something like CollegePlus! which is done (mostly) from home.

Even allowing for something like CollegePlus! or a local community college, though, I would like to know this.

Why would I want to go to college?

Here are some of my reasons why, and then my reasons why they don't convince me.

Networking

Networking is hugely important, especially for someone in my line of business. For my part, though, I'd rather do that on websites like ChristianFilmmakers.org or at gatherings like the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival. In the former case, it's free, it's ongoing, and it's focused on my industry. In the latter case, while it's away from home and costs- it's only for a week, and that's a week of condensed and intense networking. If I'm diligent enough.

Knowledge

First off, "the fear of The LORD is the beginning of knowledge." So if I'm going to a pagan institution which will teach me things rooted in a heathen worldview, I'm going to need to filter all that out.

Secondly, with all the technology we have today, why would I want to pay so much money and spend so much time going to an institution to learn when I could study from home at my own pace on only the subjects most important to me? This allows me to still learn from the wisdom of others- whether it's via books, websites, or even local mentors. It also allows me to learn my craft by doing it- not by studying about it in a classroom setting.

Diploma

It's just a piece of paper. If I can do my job and do it well, then I'm not really worried about whether I have an official stamp of approval.

That isn't to say that a college degree isn't helpful, or, at times, necessary, but rather that it isn't always necessary and is often overrated.

Hats of Awesomeness

It's hard, but I think that I'm willing to sacrifice my chance to get one of these babies for the reasons stated above.

(Again, my point isn't that college is inherently evil or that college is not an option for Christians- my point here is that I really don't see why, as a general rule, it is beneficial enough to justify all the costs.)

One More Time

Again, yes, I'm sure there are exceptions. Again, I'm not worried about exceptions. I'm not looking for them right now. I want to find the principles that God has given which direct normative Christian life. If He leads you or me to pursue a path that falls under the category of "exception," than may we be ever willing to follow!

In either case, however, we must deal with the principles given in The Text.


Well, there you have it. This concludes my doctoral thesis on why I don't think The LORD is calling me to go to college at this point in my life.

I guess I'm forever condemned to being classified with other diploma-free people like Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Andrew Jackson, and Henry Ford.

Bummer.

A New Year in View

Today the sun sets on another year.

Repeatedly Scripture exhorts the people of God to remember. As this year comes to a close, it provides an opportune, if somewhat arbitrary place in time to set up stones of remembrance. The Hand of God has done much, and it behooves those who desire to see a faithful progeny to record these events that their children and grandchildren may remember.

"Let this be a sign among you, so that when your children ask later, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ then you shall say to them, ‘Because the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD; when it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.’ So these stones shall become a memorial to the sons of Israel forever." - Joshua 4:6-7

So while I hope that any who read this will be edified, this post is for myself and for my family, both present and (LORD willing) future.

Over the past year, our great God has providentially brought to pass many things, only a few of which I shall mention below.

We moved from our previous home of five years into a house that God provided through a family in our church, and thus became debt free (if officially homeless :-). Little brother number two was born in April. After this, Mom went through a time of being bedridden. Praise God, it was not nearly as long as it could have been, and she has been back to full health for quite some time now. I got the Complete Composer's Collection, and our family also purchased another Macintosh for our business endeavors. Our church began meeting in a school building when we had previously been meeting in homes. The LORD has brought me multiple business opportunities, and I have worked on a variety of films- including multiple projects that I'm working on right now. We were able to spend much time together with both sets of our grandparents. Dad's father died, and Dad performed the funeral service back in Indiana. We commemorated one sister's coming-of-age with a "Milestone Celebration," and another sister was baptized. Dad and I met with Mark Rushdoony this very morning.

I asked him what he would say to the next generation if he could say one thing. While I can't quote his answer word-for-word, I shall paraphrase it. He said that we must remember to not be focused on one specific area of life, like politics or family, in such a way that we lose sight of The Kingdom. We must seek first The Kingdom. It is crucial that the next generation learns this!

This brings me to the spiritual growth which has been worked in our family by God in His mercy. This year I've wrestled through the doctrine of The Trinity and had legalisms exposed that were hiding in the wings of my presuppositions. Praise God- may we never stop growing.

This is just a sampling of the many works of God. May we always remember!

This time of year also lends itself well to the setting of goals- the casting of vision for the future. Some might call them "New Year's Resolutions." Regardless of the term used, "In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty." (Pr. 14:23)

Setting achievable, practical goals, with a time-frame in which they must be accomplished and incremental steps leading to their completion, can help to keep the goal-setter on track, so that they are laboring toward their goals instead of merely talking. Ultimately, of course, a goal is only going to be fulfilled that is according to the sovereign plan of God- every plan for the future must be understood in the context of "if The LORD wills." However, that should not be a deterrent from prayerfully setting goals and working towards them.

So here are some of my personal goals for 2012.

I hope to release three albums this year, if The LORD sees fit. More updates on that to follow. I would also like to be prepared to provide for a wife. I want to get back to practicing the piano consistently, and would like to practice for ten hours each week, minimum, except on weeks with important holidays or on vacation. I am sure that I won't make it every week, but I want to strive for it. I also want to exercise consistently. I'd like to release the first book in a piano curriculum. Lastly, I want to be consistently memorizing Scripture.

You are welcome to hold me to these!

So now I ask you this:

What are your plans for 2012- how is God leading you?

What are your memories from 2011- what has God done in your life?

What are you doing right now to pass on the legacy of God's mighty acts of providence to the next generation?

Tomorrow the sun rises on another year. May it be a year filled with production for The King and His Kingdom. May each unforgiving minute of 2012 be filled with "sixty seconds of distance run."

More Thoughts on Biblical Masculinity

A continued exploration of some of my thoughts from my recent post on this subject.

A friend of mine was discussing this through e-mail with me and we talked about the distinction between personality traits and character flaws- a very important distinction.

So what is the difference between a quietness that is OK- or even admirable- and a quietness that is weak and unManly? What is the difference between (another discussion with another friend) a man having a perfectly manly desire to stay inside and do computer work and a man being a mouse who can't handle a good, rugged hike?

God has given us different personalities.


God has also called us all- all of His sons, that is- to be men. Manly men. To obey Him, serve Him, advance His Kingdom.

So to the degree which our personality traits hinder our obedience to Him- to that degree our personality traits are character flaws.

You may be a quiet warrior or an outgoing one, a musical warrior or an outdoorsy one, a blogging warrior or a fishing one.

But as a son and ambassador of The Most High God- you must be a warrior.

No matter your method, you must slay the dragons.

So, to make it practical. If your quiet personality means you talk less and listen more, that's probably a good thing that we could all learn from. If your quiet personality means that you don't evangelize, don't meet new people, don't truly love others, then your quiet personality is now more than that- it has gone into the realm of sin, because it is preventing you from doing what God has called you to do.

On shyness. I don't think shyness is ever a good thing. Quietness can be Biblical, but shyness is a manifestation of love of self. So instead of being shy, we should turn our attention from ourselves to others, and start loving God and loving the people He has placed in our lives. (1st and 2nd greatest commandments)

On to my next point. Hear ye, thou wimps.

"The glory of young men is their strength, and the honor of old men is their gray hair." (Pr. 20:29)

Note to Mr. Hiccup: If a girl is showing you up (or beating you up) in physical contest, either she had better be quite the man or you had better be quite ashamed. Fortunately for you, young sir, Astrid is quite the man.

We are to be the protectors of the "weaker vessels"- that adjective is Scripturally applied to all of womankind, though the passage in question speaks specifically to the marriage relationship.

As young men, we should be strong. The stronger vessels.

So, my brothers, what are you doing to be strong? To be a good steward of the body that God has given you, of course- that goes for my sisters in Christ as well!- but specifically to be strong. Ruddy. Healthy. Able to protect and serve.

Do push-ups. Run a few miles. Something.

If your natural smallness means you aren't the fastest kid in the Church or the record-holding pusher-upper, fine. That's how God made you. Learn to use your mind. Hiccup is a good example of this- he can't throw the iron ball thingies, so he invents a machine to throw them for him.

But if you take that to be an excuse to be pale and wan, with bent shoulders and limp wrists, then you had better invest in some P90X or something.

Point three in my post addresses the girlyman syndrome.

This is something I've done myself in the past, and I regret having done so. I want to warn my brothers lest they too fall prey to this condition.

The girlyman syndrome is likely to happen when a young man hangs out around girls a lot. Note that it doesn't have to be this way. Not at all. It just takes a man of superior vision to be able to retain Godly masculinity even when he spends most of his time with those of the fairer sex.

A godly young man can be thoroughly manly when spending time with sisters in Christ- pure, masculine, respectful, chivalrous, edifying, and downright a pleasure to be around!

But the girlyman tries to be like the girls he admires or hangs out with (or is infatuated with). He'll read the books they like, and at least act like he enjoys them, just to please them. He'll listen to the music they like, he'll eat the same foods, he'll- well, the list goes on. You get the idea.

He's the kind of guy who says that he's not insecure about his manhood, therefore he can proudly carry around Pride & Prejudice or wear pink or collect stuffed animals.

Neither said book nor said color nor said pets are my issue. My issue is a man who is, ultimately, fearing (wo)man instead of fearing God, and who is acting out of regard for others instead of vision for The Kingdom (Mat. 6:33).

This is no true man at all.

Sadly, it can be very endearing to the young ladies since this young man is sculpting himself in their image.

And they might be Godly girls. A young man made in their image might be externally a pretty straight-laced and Godly fellow. (Maybe I should put a comma after "pretty". :-)

But the reason for his Godliness isn't true repentance and worship of God, nor the working of The Spirit in his heart, but rather a fleshly desire to please others.

Such sculpting in the end only results in a girlyman, not a true man seeking conformation to The Image of Christ.

These might be hard words for some. Know that they are spoken in love and with a smile! I hope this post edifies both brothers and sisters in Christ. Brothers- if you find yourself falling into these categories, and can see why that is Biblically reprehensible, repent and reform! Sisters, perhaps this will better arm you to look for the right things in men instead of being attracted by a man who molds himself to your will just to please you. Perhaps it will also prepare you to encourage Godly Vision in your brothers.

Men. We need to be devoted to a cause higher than ourselves. That cause must be The Kingdom of God. And for that cause we must be prepared to forsake all else.


For The Glory of God.